Thank God For Our inventory Steps…….

Life Is Always a bit foggy…..

Well, I spent three days working on the inventory, I wrote  top to bottom, four columns across just as on page 65 and 66 of the big book.  The first column who did I resent?  Of course I list my sisters.  Leaping over to why I resented them was an easy task, what did it affect?  The fourth column, what was my part of the deal?  Was a little harder.  There was no question that their gossiping and backstabbing destroyed my sense of trust and my self-esteem.  But, where had I failed to see this coming?  The simple answer, to my part of the deal; was I didn’t want to see.  I turned my head, I let each person gripe to me and kept it to myself thus enabling each person to continue on their destructive ways with what appeared to be my support; I was cowardly and wrong.

We have a little prayer  people seldom talk about , it’s called the fourth step prayer… and it goes, something like this…”when you come upon a time that you have not harmed the other person, then you say to yourself and to your God; this is a sick person.  God save me from being angry!  I did have a long talk with my sponsor as I went through this inventory, she is not bashful about letting me know when she thinks I put my foot in my mouth.   I know the one sister will never read this thing; now that she doesn’t drink anymore.  She doesn’t need AA and God knows she’s not than reading a blog written from the Alcoholics Anonymous point of view.

First time, one sister started talking about how boring the conversation with the California Auntie  every week, had become.  How her fatass kids just came and flopped at the house; I didn’t step up and do the decent thing and”say don’t talk about her” nope, I just sat there with a cup of coffee on my lap and the phone to my ear and went yep I understand… you see, I understand today.  It wasn’t affecting me, and my arrogance didn’t allow me to realize that they were doing this about me.  So it almost is unfair for me to say that I was blindsided; the truth is, I was too caught up in my relationship with my sisters to look them objectively.  I’ve read and reread all my sister’s letters for the past six months and a sweeter group of notes could not be found And yet, I should’ve realized that the farmer never talks about just another sheep in the pasture; they’re all just part of their herd.