A Letter To My Child

Life is never what it seems and always much better....

Thoughts I long to share with you over a cup of coffee, but haven’t the nerve.
I peaked into your life today, and walked away with new understanding of my own Mom, and the rocky life we shared. There is a line beyond which no Mother should go, a place we should never look, even if invited……
You were created in a moment of youthful frenzy, my own craziness, leapt it’s bounds; and a permanent person was born from a fleeting relationship.
I’m grateful I didn’t un-ring that bell, I could have you know, but I didn’t; and I am glad you were born into my life.
But, watching you stumble has been painful, and looking at the mistakes I made in raising you is even more so. I know there were times my love wasn’t clear, and sometimes it even wavered. Like me, you were not always a lovable child…. And, occasionally I would feel I wasn’t up to the task of giving you all that you needed, but I always gave you all that I had.
You grew deep in me, life forming faster than I could grow, needing more than I could find in my shallow youth. But, life I gave you, and with it the love of a Mother, which is not unconditional, but enduring.
I am sad and angry at what you have done with this gift of life I gave you, and fearful…. I don’t owe you forever, but I want to spend forever with you. I may have ignored your butt when I should have kicked it, and kicked when a kiss was needed, but I created, and nurtured you; I understand I didn’t always get it right, but we need to go forth from where we are.
The Mother you have today is not the same woman who raised you, It took me a while, but I have grown up to be pretty decent.human being. Will you grow with me ?
I’m not your pal, I’m your Mother, and……
I created that body, show it some respect…..
Love Ma