The Long Journey With Gratitude..

So many times in our lives, we are hanging on by a thread…

Growing up amid the forests of the midwest and south was the most blessed part of my life.  I loved to nap in the bough of the big old Cherry tree, I would hide there for hours, watching traffic go by on New York Avenue, lost in fantasy, as was to become my custom.   Only 75 feet from a major thoroughfare, my world consisted of me and the tree, I had a rope over a limb with a basket for loading of supplies, a book and an apple, I never needed much.   I’m sure in my later years a bottle of Christian Brothers would have completed the retreat. 

As I look back over my life, I believe the patterns of my alcoholism were formed, long before the first drink. I was to live 41 years with the fear and anger, before coming to grace through the help of  God and many loving friends.  I started to hide and escape from anything that disturbed me from a very tender age.   The problem with that is….while I missed much of the negative; I missed all of the good.  I didn’t learn the easy give and take that normal people share.  Life alone in your own reality is a scary place. Much of my life was spent as a homeless child on the streets of a large city, lots of wooded parks, and that is where I chose to stay, safe in my bough, I didn’t care to hide in the evergreens, but in the winter they were, indeed, worth the effort. Funny I didn’t think my life was odd, I simply thought one did with what one had……For those asking where my parents were; this is my story not their’s.  And today I respect their efforts to survive in a world that was hostile to them.  My Mom was a gutsy hillbilly who came North to ” Marry Upward” she didn’t quite make the grade on that.  My Father was a man who survived WWII physically, but never overcame the mental challenges, he was a brutal man, at least to me and mine.  Like most children of divorced parents in the 40’s, I grew a set of Step- Parents, they too did the best they could with what they had.   My decisons, my consequences, pretty simple really.  What will follow on these pages will be my journey into a life of recovery from the self-inflicted tragedies of my youth.  I know today that every wrong man I married, was hand picked by me.  I know that the strained relationship with one child is a result of my behavior, and sometimes people don’t forget and forgive.  I am in deep gratitude for the wonderful relationship I have with the other child. My parents have long passed, but I have loving siblings, most extended family are cross country, but my life today is good, that’s what I wanted to share. 

If there be a fearful reader, losing hope of landing on the sunny side of the street, take hope and cheer from this little webpage. We are children of God, we are given hope.

Twenty-five years ago I would have been a ” victim” and spent hours telling stories of abuse and deprivation, absolutely true, but not pertinent to who I am today. The freedom that came with  self honesty has been the greatest gift from a loving God I have received.